my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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