Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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