if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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