he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
