Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
