you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
