Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
