cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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