im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize