I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
