Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just gift wrapped bread.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
