she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
