Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
