Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
