After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize