You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize
