She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
