I'm really into asian looking animals
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
