Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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