so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize