Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
