Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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