I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
