she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
