I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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