Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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