super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
