Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
