you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
