do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
