That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
