I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
