cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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