Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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