i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
