I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
