I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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