she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
