Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize