NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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