I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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