i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
