our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
