lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
