Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
