YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
