I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
