I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
