I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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