Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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