The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize