Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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