No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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