I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
