I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
