DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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