after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
