I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize