its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i think i just lost a toe
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
