you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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