Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
