That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
