I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
where am i from again
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
