I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize