I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
