sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
