Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
