Taylor Swift is so right about you.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
