$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
