My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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