I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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