just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
