I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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