we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
